A review of The Sinister Sweetness of Splendid Academy by Nikki Loftin.

                After Lorelei's school burned down a new one goes up in almost no time at all.  They think the school burned down because of a wiring issue, but her new teacher Miss Morrigan says something about leaving their ovens on.  (I can't remember if it says that it was wiring or ovens, but I would guess that Miss Morrigan had something to do with it whichever one it was.)   Lorelei's parents don't want to send her across town just to go to school, but what about the new one-Splendid Academy? 

                The school seems perfect-there are bowls of candy that magically refill themselves (awesome if they weren't fattening the kids up), the playground is amazing, the kids give themselves grades, and they can skip classes if they don't like them!  This school is perfectly splendid. 

                But there's a dark side to their new school.  Miss Morrigan teaches not one class, not two classes, but all the classes except music, and there's a secret to the sand.  It isn't what it looks like.  

                The characters in this book were very real.  The preteen girls acted exactly like how preteen girls would act in real life.  They use the same insults, talk about the same things, the girl named Alison even reminded me of someone I knew.  Even Lorelei's relationship with her older brother Bryan seems realistic.

                Lorelei's stepmother, Molly, is truly evil, but not magical.  If she had turned out to be magical I would have been really surprised.  At the wedding Molly was telling someone that she thought it was fate that Lorelei's mother died just so she could be part of their family.    That is an evil thing to say but you don't have to be magical to be nasty.

                In the beginning of the book, it hints at Lorelei's secret.  I immediately wanted to know what it was.  I even considered skimming the rest of the book to see what it was.  (I didn't, though.)  You'll just have to read it to find out for yourself. 

                Even thought this was a great book, it still had some flaws. 

                My mother gave me a new book to read when I was in the middle of this book.  The new book is way better than this one and I wanted to know more about the people from the new book than the ending of this one.  (I don't blame the book for this, though.  I blame my mother but I highly recommend The Ocean at the End of the Lane.) 

                Some people say that love is blind, and in Lorelei's case it was.  Principal Trap treated her better than Molly did, she seemed like she loved her, she seemed almost like a real mother.  Because of this, Lorelei didn't want to face the truth about her.  If it had been me, I would have guessed she was evil, not go back and forth about it. 

                The parents, even though they were told about what was happening at the school, didn't believe Lorelei.  Not that a parent would believe their child if their child were saying all kinds of weird things about their teachers being evil.  But wouldn't they at least wonder where they were getting all of these stories?

I would give this book four stars.  

An open letter to someone who will never read this

Dear acquaintance (I'm sure you would wish to stay anonymous),

I promise to try to make this short, I wouldn't want to waste your time by telling you how terrible you make me feel.  You have so many more important things to think about and do.

You have no idea that you bother me so much.  If you did know, then I think you would have stopped sometime during the three years I've known you, yet you show no signs of stopping anytime soon.  I'm starting to think you like to get on my nerves. 

Unlike all the other letters to people who won't ever read them that I've seen, I'm not going to say that I really do love you.  Unless I become a masochist with an unhealthy love for you, my nemesis.  If I can love my nemesis, I love you.  But since people don't usually love their nemesis, I still wish I never met you. 

Oh, the times I've pictured myself laughing at you and walking away.  *Bliss*  I've wished so many times that I could tell you that you're keeping people away from me.  There's a reason I go out, and it's not too hang out with you. 

But for some reason, I can't help but feel sorry for you.  I'm honestly surprised I'm the only one who feels so bad.  Why wouldn't other, nicer, people feel bad for someone like you?  Probably because you scared them away.  When you find someone who might be nice to you, you tend to get a little clingy.  Who am I kidding?  You get really clingy.  And critical, and overbearing, and downright mean.

You've never once said something nice to me about anything.  Let's take my hair for example.  I love my new haircut but I have a feeling you think "pretty" is the standard view of pretty: Long, curly, blond hair, bright, blue eyes, probably someone who's a couple inches taller than me.  That's fine.  I don't need to be "pretty" to lead a successful and happy life.  Prettiness can fade, looks aren't everything.  I'd like to have green eyes, I'd like to be a few inches taller, but these things don't matter as much as other things. 

I'm not perfect either.  I can be very sarcastic sometimes.  But you don't get it.  Ever.  I'm sure you aren't the only one who thinks I'm a real jerk just because I said something sarcastic.  But nobody's perfect, it doesn't matter.  However, only you feel the need to correct my sarcasm with facts.  It's a joke.  I'm not stupid. 

And just to clarify, a guit-air is a guitar.  And I'd rather you didn't point it out next time.  I've had this speech impediment for my whole life.  When the evil letter 18 (AKA the letter R) is right after the letter A, I can't say it.  I never could, and I'll never be able to say it.  It's only now, thanks to you, that I've become so embarrassed by it. 

But don't worry, my dear, there are still plenty of insults that don't have the offending letter 18.  J

And you might be wondering why I said "my dear" in the last paragraph.  I'm a poet-and "my dear" sounds much more poetic than anything else I might say. 

I still clearly remember the day you looked me in the eye and said there was something weird about me.  Right back at ya!   

The fun part of all of this is that I can write anything about you, and you still won't know who it's about.  I know this is true because I've even read some things about you in front of you.  You didn't get it. 

When I see you, I feel like I have to censor everything I say.  It's not like I say anything bad, but you just can't keep your mouth shut, if I told you something, everyone would know.  Or you would criticize me, correct me, make me feel wrong. 

It's amusing to think about who will read this.  You know about my blog, you never told me if you like it, but you know. 

The next time I see you, you'll probably ask me who it's about.  I'll just say that the person would probably wish to remain anonymous and I wouldn't want to hurt any feelings by pointing fingers at people. 

This is my way of telling you this.  I'll never have the courage to tell you it was you, not even through an email.  And if, somehow, I find it in me to stand up to you and tell you that you're not actually my friend, you won't be listening.  But that's probably for the better.  Does this letter make me mean?  Does it make me bad to spill out my feelings?  Is it wrong to finally crack under the pain of constantly being put down by someone who calls you her friend?  I've said nothing for three years.  Swallowed all that you had to give.  I think I'm full up now.

Well, I promised to keep this short, and it's getting pretty long.  I don't want to waste your time by talking about my feelings. 

Just remember, when you ask who it is, I won't point fingers.  I wouldn't want to be like you. 

"The next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror."

Paramore, Playing God.  

How to Tell if Your Best Friend is Supernatural

With all of the teen fiction about supernatural friends, crushes, and enemies out there today, you may wonder if these things have a basis in reality.  And if so, is your neighbor a vampire?  Is your mother a werewolf?  Is your BFF a zombie?  Are you in love with a mermaid?  Is your favorite teacher an angel?  Here I present a quick and easy guide to spotting the weirdly supernatural in your friends and enemies. 

                If your friend doesn't like to go out in the sun, has strangely red lips, teeth that seem to grow before your eyes, and always seemed slightly evil, they are probably a vampire.  Up the odds if they have sparkly skin.  (Or, like me, your friend is just very pale and likes to wear a lot of makeup.)

                If your friend is loved by everyone, always happy, and can sometimes predict the future, they're probably an angel.  (Or they might just be really popular and make a lot of lucky guesses.)

                If your friend smells like rotting corpses, has a greenish tint to their skin, and has an unhealthy interest in brains-mostly human ones-they're probably a zombie, or some other undead thing.  (Or they might just need some perfume and a better hobby.  Ideas on these lines would make a great birthday present.)

                If your friend is an unnaturally good swimmer, has a beautiful singing voice, and seems to be able to breathe underwater-or just stay under water for a very long time- they're probably a mermaid or other sea-being.  (Or they just took voice lessons and like to swim.)

                If your friend is strangely absent from most things for a couple days of every month-mostly when the moon is full-and they love dogs, they're probably a werewolf.  (Or they just like dogs, and-for some reason or another-they're always busy around the full moon.)

                If your friend is sort of see-through, rarely opens doors, and likes to talk about ghosts or times from long ago, they're probably a ghost or spirit.  (Or they have a germ obsession and long for the good old days when we could live in ignorance of the tiny bugs plotting our demise.) 

                If your friend has any combination of the above symptoms, they are a mutant supernatural.  No one really knows what/who they are, and it's probably best not to ask them about it.  (Or they could just be a teenager.  It happens.)

                According to this, I'm a vampire.  A vampire who doesn't like any of the many books about vampires I got from the library.  I'd rather be a mermaid.

                Once you identify the supernatural make-up of your friends, it's best not to tell them.  Because, whether or not they turn out to be supernatural, they will identify you as crazy. 

                P.S.  It's probably best not to make anything with garlic to feed to anyone who may be a vampire, never give silver jewelry to your werewolf friends, and never urge your ghost friends to head toward the light.  But feel free to use one or more of these for your enemies.